Tongue Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?""Oh, just a wild guess," she said.The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.""That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl."Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue."Is it wine?" she asked."No," the boy replied, with some excitement.The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her more...
The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through thebrush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks theass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says,"Hey! Cut it out, alright!"The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turnsaround and cuffs the rear tiger and says,"I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?" The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to getthe taste out of my mouth!"
The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn't want to start anything by bringing it up. Then, the tiger again feels the tongue, again in the same place.He decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him, "Did you just lick me twice in the butt?"The other tiger replied, "Yeah, sorry about that. I just ate a lawyer and I was trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
How to write a paper1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him.5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it our of the way so you can more...
How to write a paper1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him. 5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. 7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it our of the way so more...
A guy with a black eye boards his plane and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him,
"Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'... So she socked me a good one.
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table this morning and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.'
But I accidentally said,
'You ruined my life you evil fat slag.'"
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.
He says to him, 'Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?'
So the guy tells him 'Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, "I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh," I said, "I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh."'
'She socked me one.'
The first guy responded, 'Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, "Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties," But I accidentally said, "You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.'''