Tore Jokes / Recent Jokes

The four men at the card table were being bothered by an irritating kibitzer. When the troublesome talker stepped into the next room to mix a drink, one of the players suggested, "This next hand let's make up a game nobody ever heard of-he won't know what the hell we're playing and maybe that will shut him up."
When the kibitzer returned, the dealer tore the top two cards in half and gave them to the man on his right: he tore the corners off the next three cards and placed them before the next player, face up; he tore the next five cards in quarters, gave fifteen pieces to the third man, four to himself and put the last piece in the center of the table.
Looking intently at four small pieces of card in his hand, the dealer said, "I have a mingle, so I think I'll bet a dollar."
The second man stared at the pasteboards scattered before him. "I have a snazzle," he announced, "so I'll raise you a dollar."
The third man folded more...

Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right'.

All evening long four cardplayers had been pestered by Morris, a self-proclaimed genius who commented on everyone's poker hand and style of play. When Morris went out of the room for a moment, they hit on a plan to silence him."Let's make up a game no one ever heard of," one of them said. "Then he'll have to shut up."The busybody Morris returned. The dealer tore two cards in half and gave them to the man on his left. He tore the corners off three cards and spread them out in front of the man opposite him. Then he tore five cards in quarters, gave 15 pieces to the man on his right and kept five himself.

"I have a mingle," he said. "I'll bet a dollar.""I have a snazzle," the next man announced. "I'll raise you two dollars."The third man folded without betting, and the fourth, after much deliberation, said, "I've got a farfle. I'll raise you five dollars."Morris shook his head vehemently. "You're more...

Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making

dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a

good time to tell his mother what he wanted.



"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Johnny was a bit of

a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Johnny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike

for his birthday.



Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.

Johnny's mother wanted Johnny to reflect on his behavior over

the last year. "Go to your room, Johnny, and think about how

you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike

for your birthday." Little Johnny stomped over to his room and

sat down to write God a letter.



Letter 1:

Dear God,

I have been more...

You so tore up it looks like you brushed your head with a brick.
You so tore up it looks like you have two brillo pads for side burns stuck to your face.
You so tore up your braids are turning into dread locks.
You so tore up disabilied people won't even date you.
You so tore up you could win scary mask contest with out even wearing a mask.