Towel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joan, the well proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her
vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit
the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see
her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She
was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the
hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. " The Hilton
doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we'd appreciate your
wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. " No one
can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed gentleman. "You're lying on the
dining room skylight."

This is a true story:
A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.
She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her wayyy up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her
stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).
Cats, like their nemesis, the dog, do get dirty and have a variety of odors, from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember, your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.
So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.
Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you, you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.
1. First, dress for the occasion. A more...

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don`t pee on our hands."

A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation
sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day
but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and
she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard
someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just
pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel,
out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you
sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a
bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me
up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the more...

There was once a red man who lived in a red house and everything inside th house was red. He believed he was the only red person in the world. One day he was having a shower when he heard the door ring, so he put on his towel and opended the door and there was a red lady. The man was so shocked he dropped his towel, causing the run away across the road and she got run over.
The moral of the story is: neer cross the road when the red mans flashing!

A man and wife were taking a shower when the doorbell rang. The wife says, "I'll get it" and wraps a towel around her. She opens the door and sees that it's her nextdoor neighbor. The neighbor notices that she's in her towel and says, "Damn your fine! I'll give you $500 right now if you'll open your towel and let me get a good look at that beautiful body of yours" She says, "$500? Right now?" He says, "Yeah right now." She agrees and opens her towel and lets him get a real good look. He hands her the $500 and goes back home. She gets back in the shower and her husband asks who was at the door and she says that it was the nextdoor neighbor. He said, "Cool! Did he have my 500 bucks?"