Towel Jokes / Recent Jokes

How To Shower Like A Woman...
* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your
boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush
to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut
so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
fat.
* Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash you hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced
with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red and raw.
* Wash entire rest of body more...

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said," That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, more...

There was a little red man who lived in a little red house on a little redstreet in a little red town. Now this little red man wanted to take alittle red shower so he put his little red towel on the little red towelrack. Just as he was about to get in, the little red doorbell rang. So he put his little red towel around his little red waist and went to thelittle red door. He opened the little red door and there stood a woman. Just then a big gust of wind came and blew the little red towel away. Thewoman screamed, ran accross the road and got hit by a car. The moral of the story? Never run accross the road when the little red man is flashing.

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I `ll give you $800 to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2:
A priest more...

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see husband along the way, ignore juvenile "turban-head" jokes and run to bathroom.

3. Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you're getting.

4. Turn on hot water only.

5. Get in the shower, once you've found it through all the steam.

6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

7. Wash hair once with cucumber and lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

8. Rinse hair. Condition your hair with cucumber and lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

9. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw.

10. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger more...

As Mark fixed himself a Martini to carry him through the ordeal of waiting while Peggy got ready for their date, he could hear her singing in the shower.
"Sorry I'm so late," she finally called out to him, "but I was shopping and lost track of the time." Clutching a large towel about her, she edged into the room. "Would you like to see me in my new dress?" she asked.
Mark took appreciative note of her newly bathed charms straining at the confines of the barely adequate towel.
"I would like," he said with a smile, "nothing better."

Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."