Town Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Reverend Paul Fuzz was the pastor of a small congregation in a little town. One day, as he was walking down Main Street, he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking. He felt this was very sinful and definitely not something a member of his congregation should do. He entered the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Thomson," the Reverend said sternly, "this is no place for a member of my congregation to be. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Okay," slurred the very drunk woman.
When Mrs. Thomson stood up, she began to weave back and forth. Realizing she had had far too much to drink, the Reverend grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and fell to the floor.
After rolling around for a few seconds, the Reverend ended up laying on top of her, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Listen here, buddy, more...

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly.He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

Bishan was browsing through the regular obituary column when his wife, after cleaning the house, asked,' Is there any neater, tidier, and more orderly place in town?'
Without batting an eyelid, Bishan replied:' Kabristaan (the cemetry)!'

A father and son live on a farm. One day the father says, "Son, things haven't been going very well and I'm afraid we'll have to sell your duck. I'm really sorry, but we need the money. I want you to take the duck to town and bring back the money."
So the son takes the duck and sets off down the road. Halfway to town he runs into a hooker. She says, "Hey kid, I could show you a really good time if you're interested." He replies, "I'd sure like to, but all I have to pay with is this duck." "Well," she says, "maybe we can work something out."
So they go off into the bushes and the branches are snapping and feathers flying...
When they come out, she is breathless and says, "Wow! That was incredible! Not bad for a kid. Tell you what, if you can do that again, I'll give you back your duck."
As you might guess, he's all for that idea. So they return to the bushes and get it on again. When they are done she is still more...

Theres this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?" The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say Thank God to make it go and Amen to make it stop." Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok." So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and more...

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet.
The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.
"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire."
About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.
"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.
He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.
"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. more...

Sign in a Laundromat AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE PER PRE-PACKED BAG DO-IT-YOURSELF
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.(THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE more...