Train Jokes / Recent Jokes

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Well... The bad news first...
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Once Santa Went To Jammu By Train. He Came To The Station Very Late So He Get Into The Train When It Was Started. He Climbed In The Last Booge Of The Train And He Sleept There. When He Woke Up The Last Booge Was Droped In Pathankoth. When He Woke Up He Was So Angry So Then He Went To The Station Master & Asked Him For The Complaint Book. He Gave Him The Book & He Wrote In It That The Train Should Not Have The Last Booge If It Has So It Should On The Middle Of The Train.

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly
pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not?" giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own f***ing blanket."

One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man, "Sir, I really need you to do me a favor. I have to get on this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and I'm sure that I will fall asleep. So, what I want you to do is that you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very important for me. Here is 100 francs for the favor. But I warn you, sometimes when people wake me up, I get really violent, but no matter what I do or say, you have to get me out of this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?"

The ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. Later, as the man had said,he did fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt. He was so mad at the ticket man, that he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.

"Are you stupid or something? I paid you 100 francs so that you wake me up in Mannheim. And you didn't! I want my money back you more...

Two men were riding on a train. One of them had a bottle in his coat pocket, and the other one wanted it. Finally the train went through a dark tunnel and the man was able to take the bottle out and drink up all the "whisky" inside of it. Then he put it back into the other man's pocket. When the train came out of the tunnel, the man who owned the bottle took it out of his pocket, opened it up, and spit into it.

Mister Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra after taking a trip of South India. Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train. When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help. TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.

So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

Two elderly priests and a young novitiate were at the railway station to buy train tickets to Pittsburgh.
The young lady selling tickets was very pretty, and was wearing a rather low-cut dress which showed her ample mammaries to great advantage.
The novitiate approached the ticket booth and said, "Three tickets to Tittsville, please." "How dare you?" remonstrated the ticket seller.
The young novitiate blushes and retires in confusion, so one of the priests says, "Allow me. Three pickets to Tittsburgh, and please may I have the change in nipples an dimes."
He also retreats in embarrasment, so the eldest priest attempts to calm the now angry ticket seller.
"Three tickets to Pittsburgh, please, and you should cover up more than you are, or Saint Finger is going to shake his peter at you!"