Trip Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an elderly couple that was on their way for a 2 week vacation on a carribean cruise. The wife, unfortunately, forgot her hearing aides at home...Upon arriving to the cabin that was to be theirs during the trip, they noticed that it had 2 bunk beds. So, as they were retiring for the first nite, the husband says to his wife, "Up, or down?". The wife inexplicably removes all her clothing and makes love to her husband all nite long.The next nite, the husband wonders if he'll get lucky again... So, he says to his wife, "Up, or down?" She again removes all her clothing and makes love to him all nite long.This continues for 2 glorious weeks.When they arrive home from their trip, the wife retrieves her hearing aides. As they retire for the first nite home, the husband decides to try the magic words again... "Up, or down?" His wife says, "What?". To which he replies, "During the whole trip, my dear, I said those words every nite and you more...

This was to be the new blonde flight attendant's first overnight trip, so the Captain was showing her the best place for personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as he was preparing the crew for the day's flight, he noticed the new flight attendant was missing. Since he knew which hotel room she was staying in he called her to find out what had happened.
Crying, she answered the phone and said, "Help, I can't get out of the room!" "What do you mean, you can't get out of the room?" the Captain asked.
"Well I can only find three doors," she sobbed. "One is the bathroom, one is the closet and the other one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"

One day a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead went on a camping trip. The first night out, the redhead went hunting, and came back in the morning with a huge deer. The blonde asked, "How did you kill that deer?"
The redhead said, "Well, I followed the tracks of the deer and shot it.
The second night, the brunnete went hunting and came back in the morning with a big deer. The blonde once again asked, "How did you kill that deer?"
The brunnette said, "I just followed the tracks and shot it."
The third night, the blonde went out hunting, and came back in the morning with a ripped shirt, bloody nose, and her hair all messed up. The redhead and the brunnette asked her what happened, and the blonde said, "I followed the tracks but then the train hit me."

One particular Christmas season, long ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but everything seemed to be going wrong. Four of his elves got sick and had to be replace with trainee elves, which slowed down the production line - so Santa was beginning to feel pressured and behind schedule early on. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mother was coming to spend the holidays with them again, and that stressed out Santa even more.
It only got worse when he began to prepare for his trip. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that one of them was about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where, which meant that more elves had to be pulled off the toy line to go find them. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards came loose and the toy bag fell to the ground, scattering toys everywhere. He picked them up and then spent ten minutes looking around the shop for the right size nail for the damn board, and of more...

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3. 5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967. 7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and more...

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.

Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

Mister Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra after taking a trip of South India. Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train. When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help. TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.

So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."