Typing Jokes / Recent Jokes

THIS is a true story of a correspondence which went awry because of a typing error. The stenographer working in the physics department of the university applied for one month's leave. The head of the department agreed, and asked him to type out an application to the registrar asking for a substitute. Instead of using the word substitute, the steno put in the word prostitute. The boss signed the letter without reading it.

The registrar, who had scores to settle with the head of the department of physics, "decided to cash in on the error. He wrote back: "Please refer to your letter Do... dated... The commodity asked for by you is not readily available in the store of the University. You are advised to procure it from the market and forward the bill to the Administrative Officer."

Another clerk applying for leave sent the following to his boss: "My wife is unwell. As I am the only husband in the house, kindly grant me leave for the day."

Several weeks ago, we hired a new blonde secretary who wasn't the
brightest crayon in the box. One day when she was typing, she turned
to another secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What
do I do?"
"Just use the copier machine paper," the other responded. With that,
the blonde took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier, and proceeded to make five blank copies.

One day, Jesus and the Devil were both working on their
computers. Jesus was typing away. The Devil was typing
away. Suddenly a huge blackout filled heaven and hell.
When the lights came back on, Jesus picked up right where
he left off, but the Devil's screen was black. Satan says,
"How could this happen? I did everything Jesus did!"
Then one person in Hell says, "No, Jesus Saves."

Several years ago we had an intern who was not very swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary.
"I'm almost out of typing paper," he said. "What do I do?"
"Just use copy machine paper," she said to him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining piece of blank typing paper, put it in the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies!

Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)
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I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the more...

If I like it, it's mine. If it's in my hand, it's mine. If I can take it from you, it's mine. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. If it looks just like mine, it's mine. If I think it's mine, it's mine. If I.. .. Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed. Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' primary business plan.

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.
As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!"
At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off.
Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!"
At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.
Another two hours later mission control announced, "This is mission control to the astronaut..."
At this the astronaut responded "I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything."