Ummmm Jokes

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions...
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

A man phones his home number from work and a strange woman answers the phone.
"Who is this?" he asks.
"This is the maid," the woman answers.
"Excuse me? We don't have a maid!" replies the man.
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house," explains the woman.
"I see. Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" asks the man.
"Ummmm, yes," says the woman, "but she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just assumed was her husband."
The man is furious and asks the maid, "How would you like to make $50,000?"
"Sure, but what do I have to do?" she asks.
"Get the gun from my desk in the den and shoot the bitch and the jerk she's with," he says.
The maid puts the phone down. The man then hears footsteps, followed by a couple of shots.
The maid returns to the phone and asks, "Ok, now what do I do with the more...

10. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking and I really don't feel life is worth living anymore.
9. We are now cruising at an altitude of... ummm..well, hell, I don't know.
8. Could someone please come up here and explain what this button does?
7. Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes!!! Just kidding.
6. Would one of the flight attendants please bring me a scotch on the rocks. And keep 'em coming.
5. This is... ummmm... this is your... ummmm... damn, I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the right side of the plane, doesn't that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard Flight 109... you idiots.
2. Good Lord, Bob! We're going to crash! Ooops, is this intercom on?
1. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be on the ground in approximately 10 minutes. One way or the other.

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions... Officer: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.The officer wants to ask her a few questions... Officer: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"