Visit Jokes

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and he charged them $32.00 for the office visit.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man replied, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can't go to her house. I am married so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00. The Hilton charges $98.00, we do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office."

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not
been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant
about all the new technology. A technician followed her
onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking
machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate
to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning
machine."

Santa and Banta had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives.
Finally Santa invited Banta to visit him in his new apartment. "I got a wife and two kids and I'd love to have you visit us."
Banta, "Great. Where do you live?"
Santa, "Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in." "Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?", asks Banta.
"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed!"

Last December, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T."

She continued, "There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in,and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy," replied the grandson, "but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?

To which she answered, "You're coming empty handed?"

A man travelling on a business trip was passing through his son's college town late one night and decided to pay him a surprise visit.
He arrived at his son's fraternity house, but since it was quite late, he had to knock for some time before getting a response. Finally, a sleepy voice could be heard from the upstairs window.
"Who is it?" the voice asked.
"Hello!" the father called out. "Is this where Steven Brady lives?"
"Yeah! Just dump him on the porch. We'll get him in the morning," the voice replied.