Wallet Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy goes over to his buddies house and knocks on the door, it opens and there stands his friends wife.' Is John home?' he asks. She replies' No I'm sorry he's gone out to run a few errands.'' Would you mind if I came in and waited for a few minutes?' She opens the door and he follows her down the hall and into the kitchen.' I can't help to notice how beautiful your breasts look in that robe. I will pay you $100 if I could just see one of them.' The woman thinks it over for a moment and figures why not, it is a $100. She opens her robe exposing one of her breasts as the man reaches for his wallet, pulls out a $100 bill and throws it on the table. Shortly there after while drinking his coffee he asks' Your breast was so beautiful, I've got to see them both at the same time, I will pay you another $100 if you will show me them both.' She once again thinks for a moment and decides, what the hell and opens her robe giving him a good long look. He then opens his wallet, grabs another more...

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line for quite a long time he arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks.

The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." He opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," as she processes his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants -- you might have qualified for disability, too."

At a Christmas party in Melbourne last year the staff decided to pull a joke on their boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes on everyone else. When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his Tats Lotto ticket. Then, they wrote down his numbers and called over the waitress to set up a little prank.
She came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night's Lotto numbers, then proceeded to read them out loud before setting the numbers on the table.
The boss looked at the numbers, then casually pulled out his wallet and compared them. He became really silent, put his wallet back in his jacket and sat down again breathing really rapidly, and looking totally blown away.
After a couple of minutes he pulled out his wallet and Lotto ticket again, and checked the numbers, very carefully.
Then, he sculled his drink, stood up on his chair and shouted out to the whole room, "I just want to let you all know more...

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing lost of curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." and she processes his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."

So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me two beers." The bartender obliges him. The guy looks into his wallet and says, "Give me two more beers." So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers. So the bartender asks, "What's in your wallet that you keep looking at?" So the man opens his wallet and says, "The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets."

A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security benefits. After waiting in line a long time, he finally arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.' Will I have to go home and come back now?' he asks. The woman says,' Unbutton your shirt.' So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says,' That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,' and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. His wife says,' You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.'