Waste Jokes / Recent Jokes

You can learn a lot from reading the graffiti in a bathroom, library or other public area...
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
* Women's rest room, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill.
If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here -
Your asshole is in Washington!
* Men's rest room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Wash.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
* Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N.C.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
* Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.
Remember, it's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?"
* Rest stop off Route 81, W. VA.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
* The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
* The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick more...

Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers?
New Jersey had first choice.

If life is a waste of time,
and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted together,
and have the time of our lives!

There was a blonde that was tierd of her life so decided to hang herself. So as a guy walked by and saw her hanging by the waste, and asked her what she was doing. She said that she was trying to hang herself. So the guy then asked her, "shouldn't you be hanging by the neck instead of the waste?" The Blonde replied, "Well, I tried that, but then i couldn't breath."

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the Brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the Blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the Stomach, " Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the Legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the Eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the Rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few more...

Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

Many people have noticed that Tolkien's novel "The Lord of the
Rings" bears an uncanny resemblance to the game of Dungeons and
Dragons, in that it contains elves, dwarves, orcs and so forth.
Clearly Tolkien was much influenced by D&D, and a recently
unearthed recording, probably made by MI5, shows him playing
Dungeons and Dragons on the floor of his rooms in Merton College,
Oxford, one evening, with C.S. Lewis, Charles Williams, and
various other luminaries.
Here is part of the transcript of the recording, which all will
agree is of great historical interest.
C.S. Lewis: Well, Tom, it's really good of you to come along and
act as Dungeon Master for the evening. Haven't enjoyed myself so
much since I played in G.K. Chesterton's dungeon and slew Father
Brown.
T.S. Eliot (for it is he): Thanks. Anyway, is Father Aslan going
to go and explore the Waste Land further yet, or will he have
another drink?
Lewis: That more...