Wet Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman walks into a veterinarian's waiting room dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit obviously does not want to be there." Sit, Fluffy!" she says. Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him." I said sit, now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates. The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, - "Darn it, Fluffy, will you be good?!"Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:"Please pardon me... I just washed my hare, and can't do a damn thing with it!"

Why is it so wet in Great Britain? Because of all the kings and queens that reigned (rained) there.

1. The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. A cucumber won't tell you size don't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
5. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room and. .. you won't have to check in as' Mrs. Cucumber'.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. If you can go to the movie with a cucumber and see the movie at a drive in you can stay in the front seat.
12. A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
13. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.
14. A cucumber won't drag you out to a John Wayne Film Festival.
15. A cucumber won't ask:' Am I first?'
16. Cucumbers don't care whether you're a virgin.
17. more...

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn’t adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it’s third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Goddamn cheap monkeys.
I didn’t know more...

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "Its not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "Its not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "Its not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since youve had a cigarette?""Ten years!", he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since youve had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, thats more...

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).
Cats, like their nemesis, the dog, do get dirty and have a variety of odors, from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember, your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.
So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.
Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you, you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.
1. First, dress for the occasion. A more...

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself latched to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to rest room, practice in front of mirror. SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about his house training. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken more...