Whoever Jokes

Want to join a militia? Idaho's your state. Here are some terms to learn:

Commander: Whoever starts the unit.

Second in Command: His best friend.

Auxiliary Commander: His wife.

Captain: New guy.

Militia Headquarters: The basement of whoever has the fax machine.

Squad: Guys in the ambulance who come out when a militia member accidentally shoots himself during training.

There was a white man, black man, and a chinese man. They all wanted to f*** the kings daughter. So the king said, "whoever can stick it in her pussy and not get it stuck, will marry her." So the white man goes first, but it gets stuck. They get a crowbar and popp it out. The black man goes, but gets it stuck. They get the crowbar, and pop it out. Then the chinese man goes in and out, in and out. They all ask him how he did it. He said,"Me chinese, me be quick, me put crisco on my dick."
So the king decided it was not fair and put another test to try. "Whoever has the biggest penis, will marry my daughter." The white man walks out all confident, and pulls down his pants. The king rubs his magic ball and says

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop.

Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair,
soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar
principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in
their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward
motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's
surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of
directed-pressure explosions more...