Wine Jokes / Recent Jokes
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine. If drinking directly
from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle. He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He run towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the more...
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"And the minister says, "Just water."The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"
Three guys go into a bar: a guy from Dallas, a guy from San Francisco, and a guy from Boulder. They drank and got a little rowdy. Suddenly, completely without warning, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, unscrewed the top, took a good swig, and threw the bottle into the air. He then jerked a Colt. 45 pistol out of his pocket and shot the bottle, spraying tequila all over everything and everybody. The patrons at the bar shouted, “Hey, bud, why’d you waste that tequila? ” The Texan said, “Heck, it’s just tequila. Us Texans go across the border all the time and get all the tequila we want. ” Not to be outdone, the Californian whipped out a corkscrew and uncorked a bottle of wine. He poured some into a glass, swirled it, sniffed, commented on the tart insolence of its bouquet, sipped, tossed the bottle in the air, nicked it with a round from a silly little chrome-plated pistol, and showered a couple of patrons at the bar with wine. The patrons, upset by the casual waste and more...
An old Englishman walks into a bar an asks for a bottle of 38 year old wine from Leonne, France. The bar tender not wanting to go to the cellar gave the Englishman the closest bottle of wine he has. The Englishman tasted it and said: “This wine is only 2 years old and is from Santiago de Chile. ” The bartender was amazed, but at the same time curios, so he gave him another bottle. The Englishman goes: “This wine is 17 years old and is from San Diego, California. ” The bartender was so amazed that he gave him another bottle. The Englishman tasted it and said: “This wine is 30 years old and is from Lima, Peru. ” Finally the bartender goes to the cellar and got the right bottle and gave it to the Englishman. The Englishman said: “Finally, a 38 year old wine from Leonne, France. ” An old drunk that had been watching goes up to the Englishman and said: “Could you please tell me what kind of drink is this” and hands him a cup. The old Englishman tasted and said: “What more...
An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of
water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the
sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a
shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers that he has
a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in
the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie. But, this is no
ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi, complete with black
alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish
genie!"
"What do you have to lose? It looks like you're a goner anyway!" The Arab
thinks about more...
Absolute ZeroAbsolute vodka over frozen nitrogen
Alexander the GrrreatGin, creme de cacao and sweet cream over Cornflakes
American in ParisKentucky bourbon and champagne
Black SabbathKahlua and Mogen David wine
Blind FaithWood alcohol and sacramental wine
Blood ClotVodka, tomato juice and Jell-O
Bloody AwfulVodka and ketchup
Blue MoonCorn whiskey and Aqua Velva
Coleman CoolerWhite wine, soda, fried chicken crumbs and sand
Fuzzy Naval BasePeach schnapps, orange juice and ammonia
George BushGeorge Dickel bourbon and Busch beer
GorbachevVodka with a splash of port wine
Honeydew the DishesMidori and Dawn
Marie AntoinetteBourbon, cake mix, and flat beer
MartinizerGin, vermouth and carbon tetrachloride
Mary PoppinsVodka, tomato juice and a spoonful of sugar
Mexican HairlessTequila and Minoxidil
Oil of OleMazola and Sangria
Peter, Paul, and MaryPotassium nitrate, Paul Masson wine and tomato juice
Phillips' more...