Witness Jokes / Recent Jokes

`You seem to be in some distress,' said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter?'

`Well, your Honour,' said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.'

The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?"
"I do."
"Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"
"Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."

A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"
"Objection, your honor," shouted the other lawyer.
There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it.
"So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"
"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."

Attorney: I’m going to object to that last statement by the witness… and ask that it be struck from the witness.
Witness: Your honor, I’d like to strike the next question.

A witness was sworn in a trial by the judge.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"Yes I do," replied the witness.

"And do you understand what will happen if you do not tell the truth on the stand here today?"

"Yes," said the witness. "My side will win."

You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man ofyour background, sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.