Wonderful Jokes / Recent Jokes

A smile is a wonderful thing. So don't waste them on someone unimportant.

One day a cat died of natural causes and went to heaven. There he met the Lord Himself. The Lord said to the cat, "You have lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable please let me know." The cat thought for a moment and said, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stopped the cat and said, "Say no more" and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appeared. A few days later six mice were killed in a tragic farming accident and went to heaven. Again there was the Lord to greet them with the same offer. The mice answered, "Lord, all of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" Instantly the Lord fitted each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates. About a week later, the Lord stopped by to see the more...

The brain is a wonderful thing
Why do you say that?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops
until you get asked a question in class!

Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. "Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves." The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!" So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

She is proud because he has been staying away from the bars for 3 months. But suddenly, she realizes she forgot the escargot. Just as he comes home, she asks him to go get some at the store to finish her wonderful candlelight dinner. She says she'll make it worth his while. So off he goes to the fresh market, and buys a dozen live snails. But on the way home, his friends fall out of the bar and see him with his paper sack, and call to him, "Come on, George! Come have a drink on us!" "No," says George. "I must get these fresh escargot home." "Oh, come on, Georgie old boy. Just one for old times sake." Well, George is weak, and agrees to just one. Then another. Then a third. After too many, he sees his paper sack and feels sorry for his lapse, and heads home. Just as he is walking up to his driveway, he falls and spills the contents onto the cement, and his wife opens the door to see what all the commotion is. "George, what is going on? What more...

This wonderful bit of followup on the news courtesy of Durham Herald-Sun
columnist Carl Daniels-Kinney:
I'm sure many of you are aware that about two weeks ago, the US Supreme
Court ruled that the state of Missouri cannot discriminate against the Ku
Klux Klan when it comes to groups that want to participate in the
adopt-a-highway program. Of course, while the name of the Klan is
aesthetically disgusting, we'd all agree that this decision is a victory
for free speech and equal protection under the law, right?
Well, the DOT in Missouri has gotten their revenge, and boy is it sweet.
Sure, they can't remove the KKK's adopt-the-highway sign, but few would
dispute the state's ability to name the highway itself.
The KKK is now cleaning up a stretch of the newly-christened Rosa Parks
Freeway.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.