Wooden Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and woman meet in a bar and start to dance. She comments on how the man is a wonderful dancer. He says, not bad for a man with a wooden leg, eh? She says, yeah right, you don't have a wooden leg. Well watch. So he unscrewed his leg and proved it to her. Later, dropping her off at home he kisses her and she say's my you embrace me divinely. He says not bad for a man with a wooden arm, huh? They go inside and play cards with her parents. She say's, my you play a wonderful game ofcards. He say's not bad for a guy with a wooden head eh? She say's you don't have a wooden head. He say's come into the next room and I'll show you. The parents waited quite a while but finally look and sure enough he was screwing his head off.

There was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn't have sex because it wasn't hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn't have sex because the otherperson would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with a nine foot dick says, "See that girl overthere? Bam. Got her."

The Perfect Halloween Costume
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his more...

A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10, 000.

The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure,

he replied, "I have this situation in the fire schedule rating table. The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"

A chief of a small island nation was obsessed with the English royalty, and his hobby was collecting thrones. He had wooden ones by the dozen stacked in the upper section of his giant grass covered palace that had many rooms for him and his cabinet. One day, his people presented him with a large stone throne and he had his servants carry it to the upper floor of his hut and he put it in the center of all the wooden thrones. The king was very happy. That evening he rushed home from the hard day of being sovereign, dashed upstairs and flopped into the new throne. When this happened the floor gave away and all the thrones came tumbling down bringing the building with them.
Moral: PEOPLE IN GRASS HOUSES SHOULDN`T STOW THRONES.

Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Paul was ecstatic when the young woman accepted his marriage proposal. He had always been very sensitive about his wooden leg and feared no one would ever have him. This fear was so strong that he couldn't bring himself to tell his fianc