Working Jokes / Recent Jokes

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy.Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner.Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he more...

Here are some of the submissions of actual comments, notices, and statements coming out of different companies: As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning entry; Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation ) What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping) How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS Development team) E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company) This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS) Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go more...

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is politics?"
Father: "Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of your needs, so we'll call you "The People". We'll call the maid "The Working Class", and your baby brothe we can call "The Future".
"Do you understand, Son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it".
That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent's room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his more...

There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us,
for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?
I wonder what he wants?
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way, and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried, what has happened to more...

A little girl went to her father and asked, "Dad, what is politics?"
"Well, dear," he said, "let me try to explain it this way - I'm the breadwinner of the family, so we'll call me Capitalism. Mom is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. We'll call the Nanny the Working Class, and your baby brother, the Future. Think about all that and see if it makes any sense."
She then went off to bed, thinking about all her father had said. Later that night, she heard her baby brother crying and when she went to check on him, she found he had soiled his diaper. She then went to her parents' room, but found her mother fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, she went to the Nanny's room and found the door locked. When she peeked in the keyhole, she saw her father was in bed with the nanny. She gave up and went back to bed.
The next morning, she said to her father, more...

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.

ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE.....

We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!

If at first you don't succeed -- try management.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Never quit until you have another job.

Work harder slaves!

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

If you can read this, you're not working!

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Pride, more...

Dear Sir,
While working with Mr. Murphy, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without idling or
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He will always be
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chit-chatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Murphy should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to administration be
sent as soon as possible.
Sd/-
Branch Manager
PS: MURPHY WAS PRESENT WHEN I WAS WRITING THE REPORT MAILED TO YOU
TODAY. KINDLY READ ONLY THE ALTERNATE LINES 1, 3, 5... FOR MY TRUE
ASSESSMENT OF more...