Worldwide Jokes / Recent Jokes

God decided it was time to end the world, so he called together those
whom he
considered the three most influential people in the world - Bill
Clinton,
Fidel Castro and Bill Gates.
"The world will end," God told them. "You must go tell the people."
President Clinton made a live statement on CNN. "I have good news and I
have
bad news," he said. "The good news is that we have been right, there is
a
God. The bad news is that he is ending the world."
Castro sent out a worldwide message to all Communisits.
"I have bad new and worse news," he said. "The bad news is that we have
been
wrong all along, there is a God. The worse news is that he is ending the
world."
Bill Gates got on his computer and sent out a worldwide e-mail on the
Internet. "I have good news and I have better news," he wrote. "The good
news
is that God more...

If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted
for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five,
maybe six toasters.
If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster.
You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for
it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a
reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small
city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the
first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your
toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to
find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but
nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with
their toasters.
If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, more...

KABUL (Voice of Sharia) -- Citing worldwide reaction to last week`s terrorist attacks, multi-national terror network Al Qaeda announced Thursday that it would lay off 5, 000 or more holy warriors. The "holy war" concern said the move was necessary because of an expected 20 percent fatwah reduction and cost and complexity of thwarting new airport and immigration security procedures, according to a statement broadcast on Afghanistan`s Voice of Sharia radio.
"This is, without a doubt, the most difficult thing I have had to do in my over two decades as a mujahad," said Al Qaeda mastermind and chief operations officer Osama bin Laden in a letter to employees. He added, "Some of these people are my friends, who have been fighting the infidel by my side since we were living in caves in Afghanistan during the Soviet occupation. We are still living in caves in Afghanistan, but I believe the bottom is forming and we will see a turnaround soon, provided we can meet more...

The Immense Consequences
The death under any circumstances of a member of the Royal Family would be
a cause for sadness. Had anyone made a list of those whose death might
have been anticipated, Princess Diana's name would have been last on it,
hence the worldwide shock and outpouring of grief: disbelief, anger,
analysis, sadness and perhaps the reluctant beginnings of acceptance.
Strong emotions would have been triggered had any Royal been even slightly
injured in an accident. The sudden, total loss of Diana, Princess of
Wales in a violent car crash is one of the greatest national tragedies to
befall Britain since the Second World War.
The memory of August 31, 1997 will long remain in people's minds: first
we saw the gruesome wreckage of the Mercedes after hitting an underpass
wall at high speed following a reckless chase through Paris from the Place
Vendome to the Pont De L'Alma. By strange twists of fate, the more...