Worm Jokes / Recent Jokes
One Man Went To Consult As He Is Very Thin And Doesn't Grow Well After Having Enough Food, After Diagnosis Doctor Said There Is A Worm Inside His Stomach It Eats Everything You Eat And The Man Asked For The Treatment. Doctor Prescribed The Treatment "From Tomorrow Onwards When You Come To See Myself Come With A Banana And An Apple". The Net Day He Came With A Banana And An Apple. Doctor Told Him To Eat The Banana And Insert The Apple Through His Back Hole. After One Month Treatment There Is No Change Except Size Of The Back Hole Increased So That The Apple Can Be Thrown Through The Hole Freely. He Told The Doctor " Doctor There Is No Change In My Physical Condition After One Month Of Treatment " Doctor Told Him "When You Come Tomorrow Come With A Banana And A Hammer Instead Of Apple". The Next Day He Came With Banana And The Hammer. Doctor Let The Man To Eat The Banana First And Wait For A Five Minutes While The Worm Come Out From His Stomach And Told The more...
Little Josh was brought to Dr. Gill cause he hadn't eaten anything for days. Dr. Gill offered him all the goodies he could think of. No luck. He tried a little scolding. It didn't work. A little pleading, to
no avail.
Finally he sat down, faced the boy, looked him in the eye. He said, "Look young man, if you can be stubborn, so can I. You're not going anywhere until you eat something. You can have whatever you want, but only after you have eaten will you leave."
Josh just sat and glared for some time, then said "OK. I'll eat but I have some conditions. First, I'll have exactly what I want and exactly how I want it and second you'll share with me."
Dr. Gill was OK with this. He asked the child what he'd like. "Worms!" said Josh.
Dr. Gill was horrified but didn't want to back out and seem like a loser. So, he ordered a plate of worms to be brought in. "Not that many, just one," yelled Josh as he saw the plate.
So, more...
Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...
A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says “I want you to see this. ” She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, “what do you have to say about this experiment? ”
He responds by saying: “If I drink whiskey, I won’t get worms! ”
The Beer Prayer^
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is the beer. he more...
Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner.
The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.
The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"
Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by."What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon."Fishin'," said MacAndrews."Caught anything?""Ach, nae a bite,""What are ye usin' fer bait?""Worms""Let me see it," said O'Bannon. MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out."Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Bannon."No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the throat!"