Yitzhak Jokes

Are There Jews In China?
Yitzhak and Moshe were eating in a Chinese restaurant in London.
"Yitzhak," asked Moshe, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don`t know," Yitzhak replied. "Why don`t you ask the waiter? I`d be surprised if there were no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter came by, Moshe asked, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don`t know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and went back to the kitchen.
The waiter returned a few minutes later and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Moshe asked.
"I ask everyone," the waiter replied. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!"

Israel's economy is in a bad way, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over the world. Problems, problems, problems, but what should they do? So the Knesset holds a special session to come up with a solution. After several hours of talk without progress one member, Yitzhak, stands up and says "Quiet everyone, I've got it, I've got the solution to all our problems. We'll declare war on the United States." Everyone starts shouting at once. "You're nuts! That's crazy!" "Hear me out!" says Yitzhak. "We declare war. We lose. The United States does what she always does when she defeats a country. She rebuilds everything; our highways, airports, shipping ports, schools, hospitals, factories, and loans us money, and sends us food aid. Our problems would be over. "Sure," says Benny, another minister, "that's if we lose. But what if we win?"

Tickets, anyone?
Yitzhak and Freda go out to see Fiddler on the Roof on stage. This is the most sold out show of the year.
Somehow, they`ve been lucky and manage to get best seats in the front row. But they notice that there`s an empty seat in the row behind them. When intermission comes and no one has sat in that seat, Freda turns to the woman sitting next to the empty seat and asks, "Pardon me, but as this is such a sold out show and in such demand, we were wondering why that seat is empty."
The woman says, "That`s my late husband`s seat."
Freda is horrified and apologises for being so insensitive. But a few minutes later, she turns around again.
"Without meaning to be rude or anything, this is an incredibly hard show to get into. Surely you must have a friend or a relative who would have wanted to come and see the show?"
The woman nods, but explains, "They`re all at the shiva."

Politics
Israel`s economy is in a bad way, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over the world. Problems, problems, problems, but what should they do? So the Knesset holds a special session to come up with a solution.
After several hours of talk without progress one member, Yitzhak, stands up and says "Quiet everyone, I`ve got it, I`ve got the solution to all our problems. We`ll declare war on the United States."
Everyone starts shouting at once. "You`re nuts! That`s crazy!"
"Hear me out!" says Yitzhak. "We declare war. We lose. The United States does what she always does when she defeats a country. She rebuilds everything; our highways, airports, shipping ports, schools, hospitals, factories, and loans us money, and sends us food aid. Our problems would be over.
"Sure," says Benny, another minister, "that`s if we lose. But what if we win?"