"10 Things I Hate About Everyone" joke

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my pants when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too." Dang right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people who've lost something say, "It'll probably be in the last place
I look." Of course it is! Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it?
5. When people say while watching a film, "Did you see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
6. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is "new and improved." Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.
8. When people say, "Life is short." What the heck? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?
10. Jokes that are like, "You didn't notice there was no *insert number here*". Well duh - do YOU pay that close attention??