"17 Ways to Answer a Salesman" joke

1. San Diego police department, how may we help you?
2. Hi! Would you like to buy a new sofa, fridge or car? What about a vacuum?
3. Hello earthling. I am an alien. You may not know this, but right now, I am having sex with your ear.
4. Let your child answer the phone and tell them to say this: "Will you be my friend?"
5. Burp into the phone.
6. Fart into the phone.
7. Yes, I'd like to order one large mushroom pizza, and cheese sticks...
8. Hello, the president is not in his office at this moment, this is his secretary, can I take a message?
9. Saddam Hussein's headquarters. May I ask why you are calling?
10. Konnichiwa. Aji tunti wahika nu popo bwah? Bunwaf huji toe... (you get the point.)
11. Nobody's home! (hang up)
12. Push random buttons on the phone and make music with the beeps, don't stop until they hang up.
13. Be a pest, say "Why are you trying to sell me stuff?" listen to their response. Say "huh?" listen to what they say, then say "Um... what?" etc.
14. Hi this is Michael Jackson's phone-picker-upper, he's busy, please call back though...
15. Tell them to spell ICUP. Laugh when they say "I see you pee."
16. Tell them you need help, for them to send you some medication or something because you're sitting on the toilet constipated.
17. Say "Seven days..." then hang up. (like in "The Ring")