"A lexicon to help you understand the personal columns" joke

Lonely? Looking for your ideal partner? Here are some tips on what to expect.
First the women:
40-ish48
AdventurerHas had more partners than you ever will
AthleticFlat-chested
Average lookingUgly
BeautifulPathological liar
Contagious SmileBring your penicillin
EducatedCollege dropout
Emotionally SecureMedicated
FeministFat; ball buster
Free spiritSubstance user
Friendship firstTrying to live down reputation as slut
FunAnnoying
GentleComatose
Good ListenerBorderline Autistic
New-AgeAll body hair, all the time
Old-fashionedLights out, missionary position only
Open-mindedDesperate
OutgoingLoud
PassionateLoud
PoetDepressive Schizophrenic
ProfessionalReal Witch
RedheadShops the Clairol section
ReubenesqueGrossly Fat
RomanticLooks better by candle light
VoluptuousVery Fat
Weight proportional to heightHugely Fat
Wants SoulmateOne step away from stalking
WidowNagged first husband to death
Young at heartToothless crone
The male's description:
40-ish52 and looking for 25-yr-old
AthleticSits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average lookingUnusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
EducatedWill always treat you like an idiot
Free SpiritSleeps with your sister
Friendship firstAs long as friendship involves nudity
FunGood with a remote and a six pack
Good lookingArrogant
HonestPathological Liar
HuggableOverweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddleInsecure, overly dependent
MatureUntil you get to know him
Open-mindedWants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
Physically fitI spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
PoetHas written on a bathroom stall
SpiritualOnce went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
StableOccasional stalker, but never arrested
ThoughtfulSays "Please" when demanding a beer