"Actual Court Sayings!" joke

30 things people actually said in court

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1. Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th Q: What year?
A: Every year.

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2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.

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3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?

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4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: 45 years

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5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan.

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6. Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximatly milepost
499. Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and
500.

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7. Q: Sir, What is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

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8. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

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9. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do. Q: Voodoo?
A: We do. Q: You do?
A: Yes, Voodoo.

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10. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendent, were you red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes Q: Did the defendent say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

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11. Q: Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?

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12. Q: The youngest son, the 22 year old, how old is he?

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13. Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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14. Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

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15. Q: Did he kill you?

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16. Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

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17. Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

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18. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

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19. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at the time?

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20. Q: She had three children right?
A: Yes. Q: How many were boys?
A: none. Q: Were there any girls?

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21. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: yes Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

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22. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather eleborate honeymoon, didnt you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir. Q: And you took your new wife?

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23. Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

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24. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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25. Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or female?

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26. Q: Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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27. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK,? What school did you go to?
A: Oral

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28. Q: Do you recall the time you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8: 30 p. m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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29. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

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30. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No. Q: So it was possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brains was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patien have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he coulkd have been alive and practicing law somewhere.