"Airborne Soldier" joke

The first thing you do in the morning is put in a dip
Your favorite beer is someone else’s
Your cologne smells suspiciously like bug juice
You think a spit shine means to spit on your boots and wipe them on the back of your pant legs
Your kids wear a high and tight and stand at parade rest
You tell the arresting officer that you have just been alerted and you were speeding to work
When you have dinner guests in between paydays, you try to pass off a hamslice as canned ham
You use your spotter scope to pull surveillance at the pool or the Pope AFB air show
You would rather smoke a private then a Marlboro
Your hide site is cleaner than your room
You set up concertina wire around your house to keep trick or treaters away
You spend your free time thinking of ways you would destroy things if you were a terrorist
You never enter a bar without an E&R plan
You consider a “Recon” walking around the bar looking for chicks
You order a beer from the waitress by hollering “Nurse give me an IV”
You consider a six pack a well balanced breakfast
You say “Hooah” whether you understand or not
You creatively acquire things you need
Every sport you play has the word combat as part of its name.