"Another test" joke

You must follow the rules on this one exactly, otherwise it won't work.
It's really scary how this works out. NO CHEATING!!!
First, get a pen and paper.
Second, write the numbers one through six. Example:
1
2
3
4
5
6
Next to number one, write any number...
Next to number two, write the name of anyone to which you are really attracted...
Next to three, write down the first color you can think of...
Next to number four, write the name of your first pet...
Next to number five and six write down the name of a family member...
Remember... No cheating...
Keep scrolling down...
Don't cheat, or you'll be upset...
Here're the answers...
The number next to number one show how many times you should be smashed over the head with a baseball bat for thinking that stupid things like this actually mean anything...
The person named next to number two is someone who will never have time to sleep with you because you're stupid enough to waste your time on something like this...
The color you picked means nothing. It's a friggin' color for Christsake...
Number four gives you the name of a dead animal...
Numbers five and six represent family members who are embarrassed to be related to you...
Pass this on to everyone you know, so they can feel like a schmuck too.