"Answering Machine Messages" joke

10 Best Answering Machine Messages

10. My wife and I can `t come to the phone right now, but if you `ll leave
your name and number, we `ll get back to you as soon as we `re finished.

9
.. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don `t need their picture taken. If you `re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8
.. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
number, and your reason for calling.... and I `ll think about returning your call.

7
.. Hi! John `s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I `ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
6
.. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn `t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don `t worry, I have LOTS of money.
5
.. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we `re not here. So, leave a message.
4
.. Hello! If you leave a message, I `ll call you soon. If you leave a"sexy"
message, I `ll call sooner.
3
.. Hi. Now YOU say something.
2
.. Hi. I `m probably home, I `m just avoiding someone I don `t like. Leave me a message, and if I don `t call back, it `s you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages.
1
.. Hello, you `ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can `t pick up the phone right now, because we `re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we `re done brushing our teeth, we `ll call you back.