"Answering Machine Answers" joke

>>>>> > Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by
>>>>>> > the world-famous International Institute of Answering
>>>>>> > Machine Answers.
>>>>>> > ~~~~~
>>>>>> > A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is
>>>>>> > why we're not here. So leave a message.
>>>>>> > ~~~~~
>>>>>> > Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already
>>>>>> > sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money.
>>>>>> > If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me
>>>>>> > enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If
>>>>>> > you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
>>>>>> > ~~~~~
>>>>>> > Hi. Now you say something.
>>>>>> > ~~~~~
>>>>>> > (From a Japanese man in Toronto:) He-ro! This is Sato. If
>>>>>> > you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave sexy
>>>>>> > message, I call sooner!
>>>>>> > ~~~~~
>>>>>> > Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his
>>>>>> > refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick
>>>>>> > your message to myself with one of these magnets.
>>>>>> > ~~~~~
>>>>>> > Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine
>>>>>> > just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking
>>>>>> > her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave
>>>>>> > your message, just hold it up to the phone.
>>>>>> > ~~~~~
>>>>>> > Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't
>>>>>> > like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's
>>>>>> > you.
>>>>>> > ~~~~~
>>>>>> > Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the
>>>>>> > phone right now, because we're doing something we really
>>>>>> > enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing
>>>>>> > it left to right. .. real slowly. So leave
>>>>>> > a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll
>>>>>> > get back to you.