"Before and after…" joke

Before - You take my breath away. After - I feel like I’m suffocating. Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation. After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac. Before - Ricky & Lucy. After - Fred & Ethel. Before - Saturday Night Live. After - Monday Night Football. Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars. After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he’s done… Before - The Sound of Music. After - The Sound of Silence. Before - Is that all you are eating? After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey. Before - Wheel of Fortune. After - Jeopardy. Before - It’s like living a dream. After - It’s a nightmare. Before - $60/dozen. After - $1. 50/stem. Before - We agree on everything! After - Doesn’t she have a mind of her own? Before - Victoria’s Secret. After - Fruit of the Loom. Before - Feathers & handcuffs. After - Ball and chain. Before - Idol. After - Idle. Before - He’s lost without me. After - Why can’t he ask for directions? Before - When together, time stands still. After - This relationship is going nowhere. Before - Croissant and cappuccino. After - Bagels and instant coffee. Before - Oysters. After - Fishsticks. Before - I can hardly believe we found each other. After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you? Before - Romeo and Juliet. After - Bill and Hillary..

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