"Church Quotes" joke

Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited - until you try to get into their pew.
[George Goldtrap, Madison, Tennessee]The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
[Mark Twain]Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
[Fred Allen]Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched.
[Lowell B. Yoder, Holland, Ohio]Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn't belong.
[Msgr. JosephP. Dooley, Martins Creek, Pennsylvania]If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has.
[Rev. Robert E. Harris]A lot of church members who are singing "Standing On The Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
[Sr. Monique Rysavy]We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers.
[Donna Maddux, Stillwater, Oklahoma]Every evening I turn my troubles over to God - He's going to be up all night anyway.
[Donald J. Morgan, Columbus, Ohio]I don't know why some people change churches - what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
[Rev. Denny Brake]If a Savior leaves you as you are and where you are, from what has He saved you?
[Rev. Denny Brake]Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God.
[Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.]If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington.
[Anonymous]To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even more human.
[John Nadeau, Medford, Massachusetts]Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
[Rev. Denny Brake]