"Classified Ad Bloopers!" joke

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
Free Yorkshire Terrior.
8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
Free Puppies:
Part German Shepherd
Part Stupid Dog
German Shepherd - 85lbs.
Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
1 Man, 7 Women hot tub - $850/offer
Amana Washer $100.
Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Snow blower for sale.
Only used on snowy days.
2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box,
Comes with its own
1988 Mustang, 5L, Auto
Excellent Condition, $6,800.
83 Toyota Hunchback - $2,000
Star Wars Job of the Hut - $15
Soft & Genital Bath Tissues
or Facial Tischue - $.89
Full-Sized Mattress
20 Year Warranty
Like New! Slight urine smell.
FREE 1 Can of Pork & Beans
With Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home
Nordic Track $300
Hardly used. Call Chubbie.
Bill's Septic Cleaning
"We Haul American Made Products"
Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks
HUMMELS - Largest Selection Ever!
"If it's in stock, we have it!"
Get a Little John:
The Traveling Urinal
Holds 2 1/2 Bottles of Beer.
Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club
Georgia Peaches
California Grown - $.89/lb.
Nice Parachute
Never Opened - Used Once
Slightly Stained
American Flag
60 Stars - Pole Included - $100
Tired of Working for only $9.75 per hour?
We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.
Starting Pay: $7-9 per hour.
Exercise Equipment
Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175
Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob!
And it's made of 100% Italian Leather.
Joining Nudist Colony!
Must Sell Washer & Dryer - $300
Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty.
Alzheimer's Center Prepares
for an Affair to Remember
Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell
Open House!
Body Shapers Toning Salon
Free Coffee & Donuts
Kellogg's Pot Tarts - $1.99/box.
Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Mann $2.09/lb.
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.
45 volumes - Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.