"Classified Ad Bloopers!" joke

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:Free Yorkshire Terrior.8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
Free Puppies:1/2 Cocker Spaniel1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
Free Puppies:Part German ShepherdPart Stupid Dog
German Shepherd - 85lbs.Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
1 Man, 7 Women hot tub - $850/offer
Amana Washer $100.Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Snow blower for sale.Only used on snowy days.
2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box, Comes with its own1988 Mustang, 5L, AutoExcellent Condition, $6,800.
83 Toyota Hunchback - $2,000
Star Wars Job of the Hut - $15
Soft & Genital Bath Tissuesor Facial Tischue - $.89
Full-Sized Mattress20 Year WarrantyLike New! Slight urine smell.
FREE 1 Can of Pork & BeansWith Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home
Nordic Track $300Hardly used. Call Chubbie.
Bill's Septic Cleaning"We Haul American Made Products"
Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks
HUMMELS - Largest Selection Ever!"If it's in stock, we have it!"
Get a Little John:The Traveling UrinalHolds 2 1/2 Bottles of Beer.
Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club
Georgia PeachesCalifornia Grown - $.89/lb.
Nice ParachuteNever Opened - Used OnceSlightly Stained
American Flag60 Stars - Pole Included - $100
Tired of Working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.Starting Pay: $7-9 per hour.
Exercise EquipmentQueen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175
Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob! And it's made of 100% Italian Leather.
Joining Nudist Colony! Must Sell Washer & Dryer - $300
Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty.
Alzheimer's Center Preparesfor an Affair to Remember
Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell
Open House! Body Shapers Toning SalonFree Coffee & Donuts
Kellogg's Pot Tarts - $1.99/box.
Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Mann $2.09/lb.
FOR SALE BY OWNERComplete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.45 volumes - Excellent condition.$1,000.00 or best offer.No longer needed.Got married last weekend.Wife knows everything.