"Company Cars" joke

travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
have a much tighter turning cycle.
can take ramps at three times the speed of private cars.
don't need battery, oil, water or tyre pressures checking.
have floors shaped like an ashtray.
only burn petrol with the highest Green Shield stamp rate.
do not need garaging at night.
can be driven for up to 100 miles with the oil warning light flashing.
need cleaning less often, especially inside.
have stronger suspensions to carry concrete slabs or other heavy building materials.
are adapted to allow reverse gear to be engaged whilst the car is still moving forwards.
have improved tyre walls to allow bumping into and over high kerb stones.
have good adjustable radio volume controls to eliminate unusual and alarming engine noises.
don't need securing. They can be left anywhere unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.