"Country & Western" joke
A flea died and went to Heaven. St. Peter met it at the gate and explained
that it could choose how it could spend the rest of eternity.
SP: "Have you thought about it? Do you know how you'd like to spend the rest
of eternity?"
Flea: "Yes St. Peter, I have thought about it, I'd like to spend the rest of
eternity on the back of a rich lady's dog."
SP: "So be it, it's done."
A few weeks later St. Peter was wondering about the flea and so he called.
SP: "Flea, how are you doing?"
Flea: "Oh St. Peter, I made a terrible mistake. This old broad washes her dog
two to three times a day, she perfumes it, and I'm nauseous and I have a
headache from the smell."
SP: "Well you know that you aren't supposed to get more than one choice on
how to spend the rest of eternity, but you are supposed to be happy.
Have you thought about what else you might like to do?"
Flea: "Oh yes St Peter! I have thought about it and I'm sorry I didn't bring
it up before, I'd like to spend it in Willie Nelson's beard."
SP: "So be it, it's done."
Out of curiosity St. Peter checked on the flea a few weeks later.
SP: "Hello flea, how are you doing now?"
Flea: "I'm sorry St. Peter, I'm not doing well at all. I get waked up in the
middle of the night, get drenched with beer, foul language all the time
and I keep getting woozy with some white powder that flies around. It's
Hell, St. Peter, I'm miserable!"
SP: "You know, flea, you're not supposed to be able to change your mind about
how you spend the rest of eternity, but you say this is 'Hell', have you
considered what else you might like to do?"
Flea: "Oh St Peter, YES! I HAVE thought about it and I have decided that I'd
like to spend the rest of eternity in Dolly Parton's bush."
SP: "So be it, it's done."
Not being able to stand his curiosity St. Peter decided to check on the flea
again after a few weeks.
SP: "How's it going flea?"
Flea: "Oh hi St. Peter, well, it's kind of strange... You see there was this
big party. There was lots of singing and dancing, I got bounced around
a lot and there was this weird smoke in the air that made me dizzy. There
were hands all over me and I don't quite remember all that happened, but
would you believe it? I'm back in Willie Nelson's beard!"
Bill Kennedy {cbosgd | ihnp4! petro | sun! texsun! rrm}! ssbn! bill
A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to
find the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a
cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing.
"A magic potion" she replies.
"Well what does it for" more...