"Dad will die" joke
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK?
The son replies he is scared because he has dreamt that Auntie Susie had died.
The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he has dreamt that his Grandfather had died. The father assures the son that Grandfather is fine and sends him to bed. The next day the Grandfather dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he has dreamt that Daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life; he is sure he is going to die. He drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk. At the end of a very painfully long day, he again drives slowly home. Upon walking in his front door, he says to his wife.
"Good God Dear, I've just had the worst fucking day of my entire life!"
She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning".
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Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!