"Deadbeat in a Bar" joke
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, and he said "No thanks, I don't drink, I tried it once but I didn't like it!" So the bartender said, "Well would you like a cigarette," but the man said "No, I don't smoke, I tried it once but I didn't like it!" The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said "No I don't like pool, I tried it once but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting on my son!" The bartender said, "Your only son I presume!!" bar, drinking
Psychiatrist's Best Friend "A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to explain his problem. "Doctor, doctor! I've got this problem," the man said. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine complex," said the doctor soothingly. "Relax. Come here and lie down on the couch."
"Oh no, Doctor," the man said nervously, "I'm not allowed up on the furniture."
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