"Dictionary of Male/Female Interpretations" joke

> THINGY (thing-ee) n.
> female: Any part under a car's bonnet.
> male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
>
> LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
> female: A woman who makes love to other women.
> male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch.
>
> GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.
> female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper
> levels in business.
> male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took
> over
> the office one flight up.
>
> VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
> female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
> male: Playing cricket without a box.
>
> COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
> female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
> male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a
> weekend
> with the lads.
>
> BUM (bum) n.
> female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes
> "look
> bigger."
> male: The organ for mooning (and farting).
>
> COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
> female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
> male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
> girlfriend.
>
> ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
> female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
> male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.
>
> FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
> female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
> male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male
> bonding.
>
> MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
> female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
> male: What men have to call "shagging" to get women to shag.
>
> REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
> female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
> male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2
> minutes.
---------------------------
> A man walks into his doctors. The doctor asks the man why he is there.
> The man replies, "It's my penis, I would like you to take a look at it".
>
> The doctor says, "Very well then, if you get up onto the bed and get it
> out
> I'll have a look for you" The man jumps up onto the bed and produces a
> 12-incher from his underpants.
> After about five minutes examining it, the bemused doctor says, "I have to
>
> say, I can't see anything wrong with it."
>
> To which the man replies, "I know, it's a fucking beauty, eh?!"
>
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>
>
> The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his
> breath
> and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a
> very
> good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the
> morning?"
>
>
> "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."