"Dog Commandments" joke

Thou shalt not act half starved whenever thou watchest me eat.
Thou shalt not lift thy leg to water the Christmas tree.
Thou shalt not roll in any smelly stuff thy findeth in the yard.
Thou shalt not lie down next to me and commence making licking and popping noises.
Thou shalt not dig up my favorite rose bush.
Thou shalt not treat my shoes as if they were thy chew toy.
Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.
Thou shalt keep thy nose out of the cat’s litter box.
Thou shalt not WATCHEST the cat while she is in her litterbox. (she liketh her privacy)
Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence and then walk away as if thou hast been offended by me!
Thou shalt not run away in pursuit of a good time. (thou hast been neutered)
Thou shalt refrain from coughing and gagging while we have company.
Thou shalt not hide thy bones under my pillow.
Thou shalt not sniff the crotch of everyone thy encountereth.
Thou shalt not sneak up on me and lick me in the mouth while I am sleeping.
Thou shalt not harmonize with the cat at 3 a. m.
Thou shalt refrain with becoming overly friendly with my mother-in-law’s leg.