"English" joke
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that: - quicksand can work slowly - boxing rings are square - and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write, but fingers don't fing... - grocers don't groce,- and hammers
don't ham?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England, nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies... while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
If the plural of tooth is teeth... - why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese; so, one moose, 2. .. meese?
One index, two indices?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
If it is he, his and him - Shouldn't it be she, shis and shim?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? - Ship
by truck, and send cargo by ship? - Have noses that run and feet that
smell? - Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same... - while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out.
An alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible. .. - but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it... - but when I wind up this
essay, I end it
METAPHYSICAL MENU... The main course at the big civic dinner was baked ham with glazed sweet potatoes.
Rabbi Cohen regretfully shook his head when the platter was passed to him.' When,' scolded Father Kelly playfully,' are you going to forget that silly rule of yours more...