"Family Stress Test" joke

Score 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true.
____ Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
____ The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
____ The cat is on Valium.
____ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
____ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
____ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
____ No one has _time_ to wait for microwave TV dinners.
____ "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
____ You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
____ Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
Scoring:
30A perfect score. Welcome to the neighborhood!
20-29You are doing reasonably well, but still have too little going on in your life. Crank it up.
10-19You have mastered some of the aspects of the stress-filled life, but still have a long way to go. Have you considered a parallel career path?
0-9Enjoying all that extra time? What do you _do_ anyway?