"From Santa" joke

Hi, kids! Hope you all had a good weekend. I know we did up here at the
North Pole, because the first weekend in December is traditionally time
when we hold the Reindeer Games.

Which, not entirely coincidentally, brings us to today's letter from
Peter, from Chicago, who asks:

Dear Santa:

One of the saddest stories at Christmas is how Rudolph, the red-nosed
reindeer, wasn't allowed to join in all the reindeer games. Rudolph
became a hero, but we never actually found out what sort of games are
reindeer games. What kinds of games are they?"

Well, Peter, there are reindeer games, and then there are The Reindeer
Games. It's the difference between playing softball in the park with
your buddies, and participating in the Olympics. Anyone can play
reindeer games any time they want (even if you're not really a
reindeer). But it takes a special sort of deer to have the drive to be
in the Reindeer Games.

Again like the Olympics, there are a number of categories in the
Reindeer Games, but here are some of the most popular:

LONG JUMP: Since our reindeer can actually fly, you can imagine the
distances we get on this one.

100 COUNTRY DASH: Each year, our computers randomly generate a list of
100 countries, and the reindeer see who can get to all of them first.
This year's list of countries included Micronesia, Gabon, Luxembourg and
Fort McMurdo in Antarctica (not technically a country, but thrown in for
the challenge). I personally like this event, because the reindeer often
come back with souvenirs for Santa!

SLEIGH PULLS: This one, of course, makes good sense, since that's what
the reindeer are actually going to be doing, come Christmas Eve. This is
a team event, with 2-deer, 4-deer, and the standard 8-deer setup.

SWIMSUIT COMPETITION: Ha! Santa's just pulling your leg with this one.
However, we DO have:

TALENT SHOW: Believe me, you haven't lived until you see an all-reindeer
version of "King Lear." It just chokes me up every time.

CHIMNEY SLALOM: One of the biggest problems we have on Christmas is
zipping between all those brick chimneys out there. Each year, we set up
a new, randomised course, and the deer flit through it. It's
breathtaking. We also ruin a lot of perfectly good chimneys.

FIGURE SKATING: Reindeer. Ice Skates. You wouldn't think that it'd work.
But it does!

LONG-DISTANCE PACKAGE DELIVERY: This is a mixed event, with reindeer and
elves. The elf gets in a single-deer sleigh filled with toys, and the
idea is to see how many toys they can hurl down a chimney from the
highest possible altitude. This takes delicate co-ordination between the
elf and the deer: the elf's got have dead-on aim, and the deer has to
keep the sleigh high and steady. The highest compliment that you can get
in this game is when you get a toy straight down the chimney without
hitting the brick: "Nothing But Log."

SANTA "COMPLIMENTING": The idea here is to make fun of Santa while
making it sound like you're actually complimenting him. I don't know how
this one got started.

KARAOKE: The only problem here is that the only thing the reindeer want
to sing is ABBA.