"GOD'S - Quality Management Questionnaire" joke

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.
1. How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper __ Other Book __ Television __ Divine Inspiration __ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience __ Bible __ Other __ Torah (specify): _____________
2. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot __ Lottery __ Horoscope __ Television __ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers __ Self-help books __ Sex __ Biorhythms __ Alcohol or drugs __ Mantras __ Other: ______________________________________ __ Insurance policies __ None
3. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?
a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right d. Don't know
4. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):
a. Disasters (flood, famine, earthquake, war) 1 2 3 4 5
b. Miracles (rescues, spontaneous remission of disease, sports upsets) 1 2 3 4 5
5. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary).
Thanks so much for filling out the survey. Your participation will be taken into account when you apply for membership to Heaven.