"Getting Squirrely" joke
A man wanted to go hunting, but he couldn’t find anyone to go with him. As a last resort, he asked the town drunk to tag along.
The next morning, the drunk was ready and waiting, with a fifth of whiskey. When they got to the woods the old drunk took a seat under a large oak tree. The other man went off to his stand, and told the drunk to make as little noise as possible.
A few hours had passed, so the man went back to check on the drunk. As he got closer, he could hear terrifying screams coming from the drunk. The man yells at the drunk, “I told you to keep it quiet! ”
The drunk explains, “I know, I know… but when I sat in a bed of fire ants, I didn’t make any noise. Then, when a snake slithered across my feet, I kept quiet. But, I just couldn’t take it any longer when that damn squirrel came back for my second nut! ”
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