"Guide" joke

A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking,
But a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely
BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

Three FASTEST means of Communication:
Tele-Phone
Tele-Vision
Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters
not their friends.

A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best
wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC

What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

Let us be generous like this:
Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

If you do NOT have a Girl /Boy Friend - You are
missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.

When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because as per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH a person TWICE for the same Mistake