"Hallmark Greeting Cards" joke

Greeting cards unsuccessfully marketed by Hallmark
Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one... I got real
snippy.
I heard you had herpes... and I feel terrible... I'd say "Get well soon"...
but I know it's incurable.
My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the
tire... I found your cat... Sorry!
You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of
flowers and a box of Depends.
You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when they find
out you're one... of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... look at the bright
side, she's a really good lay.
Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... Don't fret about your
wife though... She's moving in with me.
Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't have
installed... Win '95.
You totalled your car... and can't remember why... maybe it was... that case
of Bud Dry
So you lost your job... It's one of those hardships in life... Next time,
work harder... and stay away from the boss's wife.