"Heavenly Help" joke
A terrible flood hit a small town, sending the rescue units out. It just so happened that a devoutley religioius woman lived in this town when the flood hit, and she sat down to wait for God to save her.
When the first rescue boat came in the worker called for her to come out but she just shook her head and said "Thank you, but my God will save me." Shaking his head the rescue worker moved on. The waters rose and she climbed to the second story of her home to wait for God.
A second boat came by and the worker called out "Listen lady we've got to get you out of here!" Once again she thanked him profusely and said "My God will save me."
The waters rose a third time forceing her to her roof. The water was just closing around her ankels when a third boat came by. "Lady, I'm the last boat out if you don't come now you're going to die." She just smiled "My God will save me" she said quietly. Frustrated the worker moved on.
The waters rose once again leaving her standing on her chimney. She heard a huge rukus above her head and when she looked up she saw an emergency helicopter. "This is it lady, you have to come now or we won't be able to save you." Still she refused to go.
The waters rose a final time dragging her under and she was drowned. When she got to heaven, the Lord asked her if she had any questions, and in a timid voice she replied.
"You said if I followed you, you would always save me. Why didn't you save me from that flood?" God looked at her in shocked disbelief and said: "My child I sent three boats and a helicopter for you... What else did you want!"
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