"Illinois Crazy Law" joke
The English language is not to be spoken. You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile. You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2. It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. Kites may not be flown within the city limits. It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck. Spitting is forbidden It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits. One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth. Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays. Cars may not be driven through the town. Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees. A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman. It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. Bowling is forbidden. It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire. It is unlawful for "negroes" to be within county boundries from sundown to sunrise. It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window. There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats. It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer. Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine. A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence. Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kriland's streets. Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited. There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue. You may not own a handgun It is against the law to make faces at dogs. No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling. Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense. Trucks may only park inside closed garages. Basketball hoops may not be instaled on a driveway. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.
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