"I'm Glad I'm A Woman" joke

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
And I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over you can't see three inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
To have these two boobs and squat when I pee
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
Stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see,
You can forget all about that old penis envy
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks,
join the Hair Club For Men or think with my dick.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!